For many, the world of restraints and floggers was a total mystery before E.L. James’ erotic sensation Fifty Shades of Grey was published in 2011.
Whether you loved or hated the book and movie trilogy, there’s no denying that it created a larger conversation about BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
BDSM is an umbrella term to describe a myriad of sexual kinks, including but not limited to bondage (rope, blindfolds or handcuffs), impact play (spanking, flogging or caning) and role-play (think doctor-patient or teacher-student scenarios).
But there’s been a lot of debate that propagates the notion that Fifty Shades of Grey is not representative of BDSM.
24-year-old Mistress Lain (real name is kept anonymous to protect her identity), who is a full-time dominatrix, completely disagrees too.
In fact, she gets very frustrated when people kept referencing her as Christian Grey, the lead character in Fifty Shades of Grey.
She Started At The Young Age of 20
“I realised that I had a very sadistic side at a young age,” said Mistress Lain.
“When I was about 13 or 14, I discovered BDSM, which led to much room for exploration and exposure into many forms of sadism. My leather and latex fetishes are also what led me to discover SM too.”
This new-found passion for the BDSM scene was how she fell into this industry.
She started exploring the role of a dominatrix when she was only 18. But it wasn’t a job for her back then – she did it for free.
I did it because I enjoyed it. But the people whom I had sessions with all remarked that I was too good to be doing this for free.
“So that’s when I started charging a really low amount and officially made my ‘debut’ as a professional dominatrix two years later. But people’s perception of a dominatrix is very shallow – they think that I beat men for money.”
She added that people tend to compare her with a prostitute, but a “dominatrix doesn’t even need to have sex to get paid”, she clarified.
The only ‘easy’ part about the job is that you can “earn a lot” per session, which is why working only one or two days a week suffices for her.
On that note, people get enviable about her short work week and often pass comments on her earning ‘easy money’.
“No Job Is Easy Money”
Debunking this misconception, Mistress Lain stressed that “no job is easy money.”
Firstly, I have limits. I don’t do anything that requires them to touch me, or for my hands to touch them, even if it’s using my bare hands to inflict pain on their genitals.
At the start, she did not impose any such limits and realised that she did not enjoy it at all. So she came to a decision to not offer such services even if there’s a demand.
In that aspect, she feels that she may be “losing out” to her competitors in the scene, but it also forces her to be extremely good in other things.
Secondly, I’m my own manager, marketing associate, personal assistant/planner, and the one that executes everything. It’s a one-man show.
“If you want to take this as a quick buck stint, then yes, you can secure many clients in a short time. But if you are not substantial and not good at what you do, then clients will also not return.”
“People can tell when you are not genuinely into it. That’s why there are as many entrances as there are exits in this industry – so many girls try to make it big in this industry, but fail.”
Lastly, Mistress Lain lamented that the sessions require a lot of work – from planning to execution.
She typically holds an online discussion with her client about his fetishes and his limits before planning out a session; and the session itself exhausts her physically and mentally.
I only host at hotels two to three times a month, but I’m exhausted all the time. Due to the endorphin spikes and crashes, and mental turmoil throughout the day, I find it hard to fall asleep. I mindf*ck my clients all the time, but at the day, I mindf*ck myself the most.
As such, Mistress Lain makes it a point not to fill up her schedule. She typically takes up 2 clients a day, and caps the quota at 4.
This also allows her sessions to uphold a certain quality standard instead of a “conveyor belt approach” where clients continually mill in and out of the room.
According to Mistress Lain, she is very meticulous when it comes to her work, especially in terms of hygiene standards.
She emphasised that her job is really not all fun and play. Being exposed to blood and faeces is common, so it’s crucial to have a strong stomach to clean such “filth”.
“Some doms (short for dominatrix) don’t even sterilise their equipment after each client, and they don’t give their 100% mentally and physically so they can avoid the exhaustion. But I choose to give my all into each session – that’s how both sides find fulfilment and satisfaction.”
She also only uses top-notch equipments for her sessions. Most of them are custom made and cannot be bought off-the-shelf.
In fact, a custom whip from Ukraine can cost up to $400.
And if any her equipments are tainted with any body fluids, including blood, she will not hesitate to throw and replace the said equipment so as not to risk cross-contamination or infection.
Not Exactly A B-risque Business
As such, while her turnover is high, the cost expenses are even higher.
Profits earned from her ‘business’ are typically re-invested on equipments. Last month, she spent $2,500 on buying equipment alone.
Moreover, she ‘hosts’ her sessions at three to five-star hotels.
The hotel expenses total up to about $400 a night, and she bears this cost herself.
She explained that clients are particular about their name going into the hotel registry, so they prefer her to handle the booking.
It’s a lesser cause of concern for them, she added.
However, the only backlash is that she cannot get any refunds when there are last-minute cancellations, and when there are no other clients who can take over the slot.
“There is no refund policy for cancellations made at least a day before the session, so I end up having to absorb the cost. And since these hotels are considered my ‘office’, I don’t fancy the idea of checking in to these hotels to even have a ‘staycation’.”
Mistress Lain refuses to disclose how much she charges for each session, but the rates listed on her website revealed that online services cost $45 for a 15-minute phone or video call, and $35 for a 15-minute text.
She said that she intentionally charges such steep online rates despite the short duration in order to encourage ‘live sessions’.
Sharing more about her earnings, Mistress Lain said that her monthly income are typically enough to cover her daily expenses and equipment cost – but not to splurge on a “$300 pair of shades”.
“Some months can be very bad. Last year, I only earned $300 to $500 for about six consecutive months. I almost quit being a dominatrix for another job, but I persevered.”
“[With such erratic income], you need to know how to use the earnings from the good months to even out the bad months. Some dominatrix can earn up to $5,000 to $10,000 a month, but not for me. It’s just a normal-paying job for me.”
Stigma Of Working In A ‘Sex Trade’
Fast forward to today, it’s been four years since the design graduate took on the job of a dominatrix.
Her parents are still in the dark about what she does, though she feels that her father might have an inkling.
She confessed that it’s very hard for her to open up to her parents about it, because her job is still “heavily stigmatised as it is considered a sex trade”.
But regardless of what people say or think, Mistress Lain wants her passion to be the “main focal point and driving factor” of her career.
“I don’t have any future plans despite knowing that I can’t be a dominatrix forever. Right now, I just want to be the best at what I do. When my time is up, I will leave.”
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Check out this video interview of Mistress Lain by our sister publication, Millennials of Singapore:
Featured Image Credit: Mistress Lain