Some people just piss you off. Maybe it’s that boss who keeps picking on you, or that kid who used to push you around in the playground. Either way, the Internet has developed many new ways — even legitimate businesses — for you to screw with your enemies.
Here are 5 Horrible Ones that we (do not) recommend.
1. Mail Them Glitter
This is probably the most obvious choice you have. After all, ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com took the world by storm earlier this year, and was so successful that ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.Asia became a reality. I can personally verify that it will work, though with its wild popularity, it might not be unexpected after all.
But for S$10, why not?
2. Mail Them Shit — Literally
This is probably the cruellest option, but nonetheless, it exists. If you remember the Christmas when Cards Against Humanity shipped literal Bullshit (actual boxes of faeces) to 3,000 people, you would know that the kind of reaction you will get from this service is nothing short of amazing.
The website even states that you have the option of picking the animal, though it seems that they only have horses handy — if you’re looking for pigs, you may be disappointed. You can even paste a smiley face sticker on it to be a little more annoying, though that probably isn’t going to change your enemy’s reaction much.
3. Mail Them Penises
If mailing glitter and crap isn’t enough, why not mail your enemies some penises? No, not a literal d*ck-in-a-box, but little colourful candies that are shaped like your favourite male anatomy. This may seem counter-intuitive; after all, why would you sending your enemies sweet, colourful delights?
Perhaps, shrouded by disconcerting anonymity, your enemy will chomp down on those gummies, not knowing that you are technically making them eat d*cks. They’ll be confused by the gesture, that’s for certain, and it’s pretty nice just making them squirm.
4. Make them a Penis Logo
This may sound strange, but it really is an actual thing. This US-based company is offering to redesign your competitor’s logo to incorporate — get this — a penis.
According to an interview with Adweek, the company claimed to have received over 1,000 design applications in the first week. That’s a lot of penises to draw.
It’s not very clear what people do with the redesigned images, but I’d imagine it’s something along the lines of framing it up and hanging it in their office. If you want to get at your competitors directly, you can mail it to them, but otherwise, this is a pretty good option for the quiet enemies you make in the business world.
5. Candle
This may seem strange, and to be sure, it is not as popular as the other options. But it’s creative in that it discreetly creates the most horrible of smells from something as harmless as a candle.
And when I say bad, I mean skunk, gasoline, or even fart bad. They have awesome options, like bacon or new car smells, but if you’re looking for a horrible one to give your enemy, then Skunk is definitely a crowd favourite.
Re-label it something unsuspicious like ‘lavender’ or ‘ocean mist’, and watch the magic happen. Just make sure that you’re not in the room.