I woke up one morning, feeling particularly annoyed at the physical and mental clutter surrounding my life. So I decided to start cleaning up my life from the places I frequent — starting with my email inbox.
We’re all victims of emails. Want free WiFi? Want 10% off your first order? Want a tiny but nevertheless free bottle of the latest sunscreen sample? “All we need is your email address, please.” We leave our email addresses everywhere and anywhere, never considering the consequences of that one moment of folly. After scouring my inbox on a deletion spree, I present to you the 5 worst emails one can possibly receive — no kudos to the people who sent it.
1. Emails that are insanely irrelevant
There has been a lot of hate directed at Singapore’s art scene, with unkind adjectives such as lacklustre, narrow-minded, and mostly ‘nothing compared to abroad’ being thrown around. I received this email after booking some tickets to a musical on SISTIC. What are the chances that I would purchase passes to another musical, considering I just totally burnt a hole in my pocket days ago?
Moreover, I literally jumped back upon clicking on this email from the size of such an aesthetically assaulting image. Is the arts scene trying to prove its ability to be controversial and exciting, or is it really just pure loudness?
2. Emails that surge in waves with the aim to drown
Growing up, our parents always taught us that resilience and perseverance are very important traits for survival in the real world. I agree, but it’s a fine line to thread between perseverance and annoyance.
Shopping at Zalora has always been a difficult process. It usually involves me poring over thousands of options with not one good quality piece that actually gives me a bang for my buck, and constant attempts at zooming in to search for flaws in Photoshopped pictures. With mounting frustration, I decided to put an end to this unyielding online shopping experience.
Yet, just as I thought it was over, I found myself shot with cart abandonment email blasts repeatedly for months on end. I’ve changed my mind, just leave me alone!
3. Emails that send me deals which I literally just bought
For such an established company, it surprises me that Booking.com did not invest in some form of email automation.
What are the chances of me travelling to Alpbach, Innsbruck, Salzburg or Vienna a mere few days after I returned from those very places? Also, in which unfathomable universe would a booking website even try to recommend me accommodation in Singapore? The last time I checked, I’m a resident here and have no need for a hotel. Is this a back-up plan in case I choose to run away from home? I guess the only useful information I got from this email is that I have to have at least S$41 in my pocket in case I choose to do just that.
4. Emails that remind me I still have 0 in my account
Considering the last time I took an Emirates flight was so many years ago that I can no longer recall even dredges of the experience, what is the use of updating me on my monthly Miles points when it is always zero? How archaic is this newsletter system? Can someone offer me tips on how I can possibly step into my next adventure, or donate my miles points to charity, when I have none? How about some free surveys or quizzes for me to actually earn some?
5. Emails with no unsubscribe option
Just as I was almost done scrubbing my virtual mailbox of pesky promotions and random emails, alas! This one email blast stood out like an indelible stain on my new resolution to clean up my life…and there was no unsubscribe button! This fun and spritely smorgasbord of females modelling clothes I would wear years ago would have been attractive if I were still amazingly young and thin. How is this even possible, and how is this even allowed? Where are my Internet rights? Oh Lovet, I don’t love this one bit.
If you’re guilty of sending such emails and would like to redeem yourself, check out SendAdvisor — a visual segmenting tool that helps reveal what readers of your emails want.
This article was submitted by Shuli Goh, via Vulcan Post’s submission page.