To anyone who’s ever tried using an online dating app, you would almost surely understand the frustration of texting someone and not receiving a reply…ever.
If you see them walking down the street, you can’t even say hi, because that would be awkward for everyone involved (trust me, I would know).
But something that’s arguably just as frustrating is when you text someone, and when things are going great, but it never leads to anything. I don’t mean romantic involvement necessarily, but just never meeting in person. Unless you’re looking for a pure online texting buddy, this is just not what most people want when they’re on an online dating app. And yet, this is a common problem many people on online dating apps face.
Now, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t be wary of meeting strangers off the internet. You absolutely should. But there are many people who are trying to make a connection often find themselves spending so much time just typing and typing — whether it’s engaging in mundane back-and-forth or trying to schedule things — that eventually the conversation just fizzles out and whatever spark that was initially there has faded.
So how do you go past the banter and actually see each other? As with everything, there is no surefire method, but here are some tips that might help you out:
Cut To The Chase; Don’t Be Vague
If you think trying to be all vague and mysterious is going to work to your benefit, you’re wrong. You’re not Bruce Wayne. Don’t leave the getting to know each other to a date that might not even happen otherwise.
If you’ve been chatting for some time, cut to the chase! Even if you’re nervous or shy, you’re doing nobody any favours pussyfooting around. You’d be surprised how well a “Would you like to go on a date this Friday night?” would work.
Scheduling can be seen as useless banter and a chore if it goes on for too long, you two aren’t secretaries. Be sharp about your plans — inviting someone out at a specific time and place is a stellar move as opposed to being utterly undecided and not having a plan while the date looms closer and closer. If you think the other party isn’t going to be interested in the place or activity you have planned, it wouldn’t hurt to have a few back-up ideas too.
Are we just hanging out or are we going on a date? It’s probably best to make your intentions clear when you’re asking someone out. You might be afraid of rejection, or maybe you just want to seem casual, but it’s best to come forward about your intentions and expectations instead of finding out that you’re on different pages much later.
This may sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people are disrespectful online. And there’s nothing more of a turn off than a lack of respect.
Guys, don’t “try your luck” and proposition a girl on that off-chance she might have sex with you. Chances are, they’re not going to want to bang you when they’re meeting you for the first time. (Or at the very least, be more subtle about it.) If your idea of spicing up a conversation is describing how you’re stroking your member to her photo or asking if she wants a “full body massage”, you’re just asking for trouble.
Respect each other’s wishes and boundaries. If you can tell that something you’re saying or doing is making the other party uncomfortable, stop and re-evaluate yourself. Ask them what you’re doing wrong if you’re really that clueless. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in trying to be more accommodating.
Also, there’s a fine line between being sarcastic or sassy and being downright insulting. Ladies, I know it’s a great filtering tool for weeding out trashy guys, but try not to go overboard.
Finally, always remember: You shouldn’t force someone into doing something they don’t want to do. If they aren’t comfortable with meeting you just yet, or at all, don’t try to push the agenda or guilt-trip them or any other sort of manipulation for that matter.
Sometimes it’s hard to decipher if someone is actually busy or pretending to be busy. Just be honest and direct with each other and hope for the best. If things don’t work out or if you’re looking for different things, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.