Losing a loved one is never easy, but the taboo surrounding death makes it difficult to have open conversations about it.
However, one funeral director aims to destigmatise the funeral industry, and writing her first book is her first step.
We’ve read her book Echoes of Farewell and spoken to Harmony Tee, the author and founder of Harmony Funeral Care, to learn more about what it takes to be in the death trade and the lessons she has learnt from her seven years as a funeral director.
There is no textbook to being a funeral director
Growing up, death was not a strange subject for Harmony. Her grandfather established a funeral company, Hock Hin Undertaker, 60 years ago upon arriving from China, and she learnt about the industry through her father, who took over the business together with his brothers.
“My grandfather passed away a year before I was born, so I never had the chance to witness how he ran the family business,” said Harmony.
But Harmony did not get her start in the funeral industry. After graduating with a degree in Accountancy, she worked as an auditor at Ernst & Young and had the opportunity to work in the United States.
However, all that changed when she got the news that her father was diagnosed with kidney failure, and there were talks of closing her grandfather’s shop. “After much thought, I decided to take a leap of faith and step into the funeral industry, giving myself a one-year timeframe to either succeed or move on.”
From brushing up on her dialects to better communicate with her older colleagues and working daily to learn how funerals are conducted for different religions, to taking a pay cut and earning S$2,000 monthly, the learning curve was incredibly steep for the then-25-year-old.
Harmony added that in the past, workers followed what was taught and worked based on their past experiences, leading to a lack of standardised processes. “This lack of structure may be tough for people who enter the industry hoping for a guideline on how things are to be done.”
The career switch also heavily impacted her social life. Because death has no timing, it became challenging for her to set aside time to meet with friends and family.
“One or two friends got really angry with me for standing them up in my appointments with them due to work, and hence, I slowly stopped making plans,” recalled Harmony.
Why she stayed after the infamous mix-up
However, it was not until 2020 that Harmony encountered her biggest crisis that, unfortunately, became a high-profile case in Singapore—one of her employees mixed up and cremated the wrong body, sparking outrage from the public, media, and funeral directors.
We asked Harmony how she took responsibility for the employee directly involved in the mix-up, and here’s what she said:
The employee was a family friend, and while the mistake he made was serious, I reminded myself that we are all human, and mistakes are inevitable. What truly matters is how we learn, rectify, and grow from them. I encouraged him to stay and work through the challenges together, hoping we could move forward from that chapter. However, he was deeply affected by the incident and felt that this industry was not his calling. As a result, he chose to leave. Even so, we have remained in touch to this day.
Despite the challenges, Harmony refused to throw in the towel. She shared that the incident pushed her to reflect on the reasons she chose to join the industry—to bring greater transparency to the industry’s practices and encourage open conversations about death.
This led Harmony Funeral Care to launch Funeral Fridays, a weekly online initiative to educate the public on death-related matters.
Lesser-known facts about the funeral industry
The death trade is not for everyone, and Harmony can attest to this as some entered the industry only to leave upon learning the often gruesome realities of the job.
In particular, she mentioned the need to be in close physical contact with deceased bodies, including unnatural deaths such as suicides or traffic accidents—and if you are an embalmer, having to manoeuvre the corpses can be physically tiring.
“I felt it was important to provide a realistic view of what working in the funeral industry entails,” she added. Nevertheless, she shared the career path that one might expect once they enter the trade:
- Operational – Pallbearers (someone who helps to transport the corpses and coffins)
- Middle management – Emceeing, learning about the different rites and rituals according to religions, as well as the logistics needed
- Higher management – Sales, case managers (someone who oversees the funerals)
For customers, did you know it costs around S$650-S$1,800 to hold a funeral at a funeral parlour? And that different crematoriums offer different prices? Singapore has three crematoriums, and here’s how much it costs for a single adult cremation:
- Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex: S$100 minimum
- Bright Hill Temple & Tse Tho Aum Temple: S$330-S$450
The average cost for a funeral depends on various factors such as the number of days, venue, and the decedent’s religion. However, Harmony emphasised that families should look beyond costs and consult with their funeral director to make the most informed choices.
When asked how she helps her staff deal with compassion fatigue and the harsh realities of the trade, Harmony believes in being honest when assessing whether someone is suited for the industry.
She explains that she focuses on finding the root cause behind a team member’s short-term emotional or physical exhaustion and will recommend having “a short break” to recharge.
“However, if someone consistently struggles to cope with the demands of this field, it might be a sign that this career path is no longer suitable for them. I would encourage them to reflect and reconsider their options, as it’s important to acknowledge when their season in this line of work has come to an end—for their own well-being and the quality of service we provide,” explained Harmony.
When asked how the funeral industry will change, Harmony predicted that society may grow a preference for simpler funerals, and that traditional religious rites may phase out gradually.
That said, she pointed out that the shift towards pragmatism might also result in a loss of cultural heritage and the art behind these ceremonies. Striking a balance would be a challenge that must be thoughtfully addressed as the industry evolves—to which her book would serve as a “time capsule.”
Life is short—the sooner you find out what you live for, the better and easier it is for you to leave with no regrets. Leave ah, not live! Because how you live in the world ultimately depends on how you want to leave this world.
Harmony Tee, founder of Harmony Funeral Care and author of Echoes of Farewell
- Learn more about Harmony Funeral Care here.
- Read more stories we’ve written on Singaporean startups here.
Featured Image Credit: Vulcan Post