I’m turning 25 soon and recently I’ve been reflecting on how I’m supposed to be growing more mature and wiser, and how I feel like I’m expected to transform into a lady.
I look at some of my other peers on Facebook, how grown up they look and how fashionably dressed they are. Everyone looks so… adult-like. And then I look at my own pictures. I look like that same little girl, still attending high school several years ago.
To be honest, sometimes I feel a little left out, like somehow I missed the everyone-suddenly-became-super-hot bus (Is there a secret class on this which I didn’t hear about?).
If growing up means to be able to dress properly and have good grooming skills, then I’ve failed. I still don’t know how to use make-up. I can’t tell the difference between a concealer, BB cream, and foundation. I don’t know how to use an eyeliner (is it like using a Chinese calligraphy brush?). I have hardly any fashion sense at all. In fact, most of the time I just go with oversized t-shirt. I don’t know how to ‘do’ my hair. I take the easy way out and just let it dry straight because I’m not skilled enough to style my hair any other way.
If growing up means to carry myself in a sophisticated, graceful, and lady-like manner, then I’ve failed. Recently in a trip to Bali, we were at a famous temple by a beach. And while most may use this opportunity to take beautiful picturesque photos, posing model-like and looking very photogenic; there I was, running around the rocks trying to catch baby crabs. And then I slipped and fell, in front of the many tourists there. It wasn’t a glamourous moment.
If growing up means to know what I want to do with my life and to have a specific ambition and dream for my future career, then I’ve also failed. Till this day, I don’t know what talents I have or what career I should have for the rest of my life. At this point, I’m just going with the flow and trusting God with what He has planned out for me. Taking opportunities that come my way, and thanking Him for any doors that He has opened for me.
I asked my boyfriend about this—whether he wants me to be more elegant, cultured, and genteel—and he said he loves me exactly the way I am.
One day, maybe, I’ll be one of those ladies in their working suits, looking very refined and ‘in control’, but for now, I think I’ll stick to being this girl, slipping on rocks while catching crabs and walking in malls in my baggy T-shirt.
Feature Image Credit: rewalls.com