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8 Witty Responses To The Typical Chinese New Year Questions

We all know the routine as we enter our relatives’ houses and exchange oranges: in no time, the dreadful part of reunions will commence. Questions about who you are dating, where you are working and how much you are earning — they are sometimes a tad too personal and can be too much for us to handle.

To combat that, here are some ways you can arm yourself against the typical questions your nosy relatives ask you every year.

1. No boyfriend this year? When are you going to end up with a nice guy?

a. Start singing The PussyCat Dolls’ I Don’t Need A Man.

b. Actually we just broke up, he couldn’t handle my success in life and it was pathetic.

c. Oh, I do have a boyfriend but he’s overseas now for a photoshoot with Calvin Klein.

2. Eat more! Why are you so skinny?

Apart from the probing questions nosy relatives bombard us with, we also have people like our grandmothers, grandmother’s sisters, and mothers-in-law trying to fatten us up. To which you could reply:

a. I can’t. I don’t want to get fat… like you.

b. It’s called exercise.

c. I am eating! You’re just not looking whenever I do.

3. Where do you work?

And of course, we have the “where do you work?” and “what do you do?” questions. For those working in niche sectors where your job titles sound a little too difficult for your elders to understand, why not have fun with it and lie!

a. Im a lecturer at Hogwarts where I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. (To prove your point, just don’t show up next year and have your parents tell them you died after getting possessed by the Dark Lord.)

Image Credit: fanpop.com
Image Credit: fanpop.com

b. I work with the government to catch cyber thieves — by surfing Facebook.

c. I work as a full-time… um, actually, I can’t tell you. It’s top secret.

4. Why aren’t you working?

a. Because my forefathers fought so hard for freedom. It would be a shame not to utilise what they fought so hard for.

b. I decided that I want to focus on my studies so that I can be successful and independent, and not just a housewife — like someone else I know.

c. I am working. I’m a full time Instagram-ing hipster.

Image Credit: senseimarketing.com
Image Credit: senseimarketing.com

5. You’re still looking for a job?

a. “Yeah — it’s tough. I’ve had so many amazing offers but I just can’t decide between them.

b.  Yes, I don’t want to settle and be unhappy.

c.  Yes, no luck unfortunately. But what is important is that we have our health, right?

6. How much do you earn?

While it may seem taboo to ask this question, don’t be surprised if someone actually does.

Image Credit: pohtecktoes
Image Credit: pohtecktoes

a. Enough to live and eat.

b. More than Barack Obama I think.

c. Not enough, care to give me more? *feels angbao ominiously*

7. Did you cut your hair?

a. Huh? No, it’s shedding on its own.

b. No, a hairdresser cut it for me.

c. Yeah, that’s what humans do once every few months.

8. Why can’t you be like your brother or sister?

a. Because I’m a unicorn. I’m unique

Image Credit: thinkgeek
Image Credit: thinkgeek

b. Because I don’t want to lead an empty and hollow life.

c. Because if I’m like them, who else are you going to torment?

By all means, have fun with it. Say these witty lines with confidence, and hopefully you and your relatives will get a laugh out of it!

 

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