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Valentine’s day is right around the corner and while most of the romantic (read: amateur) boyfriends out there are planning out an elaborate date that will wow their partner, and boost a new spark in their very mediocre relationship, here I am standing motionless, wondering about great out-of-the-box ideas that could really bring new life into a relationship.

At the end of the day, relationships aren’t that complex—they just involve a whole lot of sleeping (sex) and eating together. And, the longer you stay with someone, the more you’re going to eat and the less likely you are of actually sleeping with them, or you might just do without any sex however.

Anyway, now that we’ve simplistically defined what relationships are, we need to get back to the whole act of coming up with cool ideas for your significant other. Romantic dinner dates, picnics or sending them flowers, chocolates, and other relationship-related paraphernalia, etc. But did you ever thing of sending them a paper penis?

I bet you didn’t.

There’s a new platform that you might not have heard of (it’s not that popular, yet) called PaperPeen that helps you do exactly that. They make paper penises that you could send anywhere in the world to the ones that you love or hate, or if you’re feeling incredibly stalker-ish or rapey, you could send them over to someone you masturbate to.

Image Credit: Quickmeme
Image Credit: Quickmeme

After all, the platform claims that they design them exclusively for the “master baiter” in you—whatever you want that to mean.

The platform also claims that it’s cheaper than therapy, classier than unsolicited dick pictures, and a surprise in general. Unfortunately they can’t customise a penis for you, so for guys who feel like they need to compensate with a larger paper dick, sorry you just have to just settle for whatever size is given to you. The paper dick, I mean.

paperpeen order

You can head over to the platform, click the buy button, select your destination and they’ll send over a paper penis to that location. The recipient will not be aware of the sender, which is great security feature for the budding stalker. The only way the person is going to find out it’s you, is if you actually tell them about it.

Currently, the platform charges $9.99 (shipping included) and they take about 1-2 weeks to ship them out. These penises sure take a long time to come on your doorstep. I mean, to your doorstep. Bad pun, I know.

I find the price tag of $9.99 to be a bit too steep for the product in hand but then again, if your life comes down to the point where you have to send someone a paper peen, then you have to be charged (at least financially). If you’d like to save a couple of bucks, you can simply resort to learning how to make them for yourself. Besides, the website states that “It’s a fucking accomplishment to fold one of those things. That shit is hard.” Another bad pun. I apologise.

However, I must say that this is a much better solution than sending or receiving dick pics. At least you don’t have to deal with situations like this…

Image Credit: Quickmeme
Image Credit: Quickmeme

Is this website for real? It’s too early to tell for now. It looks to be legit but come on, can you ever trust dicks though?

I recommend that you consider all their claims with a pinch of salt or consider them just the say way you’d consider every other male enhancement product out there—you know they’re not going to work but you still have that shimmer of hope.

Keep that hope alive, they might just get the job done.

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