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If you haven’t been living under a rock, you must have heard about the sensational gaming app Pokémon GO, the one that’s been luring sworn couch potatoes and house hermits to get off their asses and actually out of their houses for once, encouraging them to run around trying to catch virtual Pokémon on their smartphones.

Image credit: listaddict.com
Image Credit: listaddict.com

Even though it might sound crazy that grown adults are traversing cities worldwide on some glorified treasure hunt (except the treasure, in this case, are virtual creatures created for a children’s game 21 years ago), it’s all 100% true. And knowing human beings, with great Pokéballs come great irresponsibility.

There have already been car accidents, robberies, injuries, even shootings, linked with Pokémon GO and the stupidity/carelessness of some of its players. And all this only a month or so into the release of the game in certain regions.

Image credit: gamergen.com
Image Credit: gamergen.com

Not to mention the moral and religious implications of the game. It’s not surprising that conservative countries like Saudi Arabia and Kuwait have decided to put their foot down and end the Poké-madness infecting their nation. They have issued outright bans on the game to keep their citizens from participating in such haram activities such as this.

After all, would you really be willing to go outside, get exercise and have fun when it could possibly compromise your faith?

Not to forget our own country, with various religious people advocating for a ban on the game. Even though it isn’t even out here yet, it’s admirable that they’re already a step ahead to clamp down on such activities. That’s efficiency at its best.

An FT Islamic Committee has also banned Muslims from playing Pokémon GO in the Federal Territories,  on top of a Penang Mufti who has even gone so far as to call for the declaration of Pokémon GO as haram by the National Fatwa Council, and you know what? I completely agree. Now let’s go over why I think so.

First of all, notice the occult symbols of the Pokémon (that obviously resemble the Freemasonry and Illuminati). And they don’t even bother to make it discreet. Triangular symbols, stars and crosses are on the Pokémon in plain sight!

Image Credit: http://imgur.com/gallery/jdxObKx
Image Credit: http://imgur.com/gallery/jdxObKx

I mean, it’s not surprising, seeing as Pokémon came from the Jews and they are obviously to blame for everything wrong with our present society. Don’t they know that we can’t even look at a triangle without our faith being weakened? One of the Pokémons even resembles the Star of David! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

Image Credit: yamimash YouTube
I’m looking at you, Starmie. (Image Credit: yamimash YouTube)

Speaking of Pokémon, have you seen the way these creatures look and dress? Like Jynx, for example. Her boobs are just out on display for anyone to look at. Does she feel no shame?!

And Vulpix! Tutup aurat la sister! What excuse do you have not to wear hijab? And don’t use the ‘I’m a virtual creature in a video game’ excuse, it won’t work.  Don’t you know that just a glimpse of female hair will drive men wild and get their engines running? Why would you intentionally lead men to sin like that?!

I can't even look at you two. (Image credit: 005.tv & leonhartopedia.wikia.com)
I can’t even look at you two. (Image Credit: 005.tv & leonhartopedia.wikia.com)

And what about their catchphrase, ‘Gotta catch em all’? Catch what? Pokémon?

Instead of running around, trying to catch non-existent creatures on your phones, what you really should be catching up on are your prayers. Pokémon GO is wasting your precious time that could be well spent in constant worship and praise.

Not to mention the fact that Pokémon GO is basically gambling. You’re throwing real money into a virtual game, which is so haram I can’t even.

And what if a Pokéstop is within a church or a temple? Would you really be willing to set foot in such institutions that could waver your faith, just to catch some rare Pokémon? Think of all the cross symbols in there, how could anyone possibly withstand all that blasphemy??

Listen to the Clefairy. (Image Credit: Westboro Baptist Church)
Listen to the Clefairy. (Image Credit: Westboro Baptist Church)

Even worse would be playing Pokémon GO in our own mosques. How could anyone bring such faith-distracting filth into these holy institutions? It’s extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate to be stumbling around the house of God playing a video game? Think of the sacredness of our mosques that is unable to withstand such sin and unholiness.

Image credit: swarapublik.com
Image Credit: swarapublik.com

Lastly, Muslim scholars the world over have denounced Pokémon GO as a game that alters reality, imitating the effects of alcohol to their players. Have you heard of anything more true? When you’re playing the game, you lose sense of who you are and what you’re doing, and all you’re after is more and more Pokémon. This is mind manipulation that doesn’t sound safe to me in the least.

All in all, why would you go the dark, haram route of Pokémon when you’ve now seen all the horrors it brings to our lives? It’s just another way to ruin this generation to follow the path of the devil.

After all, even though tons of Muslims in Malaysia still drink, gamble, do drugs, and engage in promiscuous activities, it’s less crucial compared to the danger of a game that has yet to be launched here.

What matters is that the Pokémons are coming, and we have to do everything in our power to stop such madness from entering our beloved country (that is 100% free from worse things like terrible corruption and embezzlement).

Don’t be brainwashed, choose #PahalaOverPikachu.

(Disclaimer: This was written purely from a sarcastic point of view to poke fun at the growing wave of religious clerics forbidding Pokémon GO for seemingly no concrete reason. It was not meant to offend anyone, so lighten up!)

UPDATE: Pokemon Go is already out in Malaysia! Read and download it here!

Feature Image Credit: Adapted from https://steemit.com/gaming/@rbahm3ahom

Categories: Opinions, Satire, Malaysian

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(UEN 201431998C.)

Vulcan Post aims to be the knowledge hub of Singapore and Malaysia.

© 2021 GRVTY Media Pte. Ltd.
(UEN 201431998C.)