Luminary

To Fridays: #15 — I'm Still Trying

Today, one of my closest friends turn 23. We surprised her yesterday at the airport as she arrived back to Singapore from Brisbane from a holiday. We’ve crossed over the six year mark now, though technically we didn’t actually meet back in 2009 until April. Details, details… doesn’t matter. It’s been six years, and we’re still trying.

With a new year comes a whole new slew of birthdays to plan, and with ten people, sometimes it isn’t easy. It’s been so long that whatever we do feels like a repeat of the last year’s birthday. And as my friend quipped yesterday, “They’ve been watching me do the same thing every year. Everyone’s planning what to do for the next one in their heads already.”

That’s somewhat true. But this is what is miraculous to me. That even though we may be doing about the same old thing every year, we’re still trying. Last year, I bought cake for almost everyone’s birthday. It may not be perfect, or a huge celebration, but we’re still trying.

And I can’t believe we’re still trying.

Image Credit: Georgia Ho
Image Credit: Georgia Ho

As we cross over to the new year, posts are written everywhere on Why 2015 Won’t Suck, or lists on the best moments of 2014, from Doctor Who to the empowerment of women. They show exactly why new years offer a fresh start. Because we’re still trying. After all these years, we’re still trying to better ourselves and to better the world around us.

Every year, we try to do better than the last year.

Sometimes we try for the wrong things: the wrong boy, a never ending dial tone, or a dead end. But there are things worth trying for. Things like keeping your friendships, taking a chance with a stranger, or putting yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to find something new. Sometimes, those wrong things may break your heart.

The boy never calls back.

The walls are caving in and you can’t find your way out of the maze.

But the new year comes with a present: it is a chance to start again. It is a bulldozer to break those walls. A time to reevaluate what is worth trying for and what should be given up on.

Image Credit: Tim Manley (Fairytales for 20 Somethings)
Image Credit: Tim Manley

This is where it’s difficult. Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re supposed to keep trying or if you’re supposed to give up. It’s easy when it’s birthday celebrations, when it’s things you know you should make an effort to keep doing. But when it comes to matters of the heart…

Sometimes everything you see points to the exit sign, but you still stay.

You still hope.

You still try.

And maybe one day you’ll break through. Or maybe one day you’ll finally stop digging. Whatever it is, remember to hold on to the bone that keeps you trying. I think that’s the beautiful part of being human: that we never know what’s going to happen next, and what the future holds in store, but we keep going on.

We keep trying.

To Fridays is a weekly column that hopes to be able to give you all the encouragement and love in the world. #tofridaysvp

 

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